Couples come together in a relationship for both conscious and unconscious reasons. There is a normal tension between each individual’s needs and what the couple needs. The aim of the treatment is to access what areas of the couple are unnecessarily painful. Couples that live with a constant drone of friction, blaming, shaming, fighting and projecting are without appropriate tools to make sense of and manage that pain. They know how to create a relationship but are stymied by how to manage it. A Blame model on one end of the spectrum to the other end where couples are distant and aloof from each other and themselves that they virtually live as roommates. What links these two examples is the absence of a capacity to contain their feelings and ideas. Despair, guilt and hopelessness rule this space.
Relationships driven by these rigid forces are based on models of attachment theories. Fear of abandonment and hatred of dependency and vulnerability are at the core of these types of connection systems. Love, warmth, understanding and curiosity are dangerous to this couple. These couple’s strain under any threat of change. The couple can’t use their relationship for necessary protection and support we all need in our lives. These are especially complicated and unpredictable times. Global pandemics, economic confusion leaves us all vulnerable to despair. Hope, love, connections to others and the goodness of life are an antidote to despair.


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